The Way I Feel

Disclaimer: If you’re in great / good mood. I suggest you do not read this. This post may also contain instances of non-fluent writing. Arbitrary to be precise.

8 : 54 PM

I am in the left lab of General Computing Lab in front of a flatscreen 2048 X 1357 Dell monitor with my beloved mp3 player. The song just changed to “Talk You Down”. Perfect for this mood. Its been 58 minutes since I wrote my PYL 102 minor. It didn’t go well. I have another exam tomorrow. 1 pm. Data Structures. I should be studying for it. I had a scary feeling today walking back from the exam hall. I didn’t feel bad anymore after giving a shitty exam; or maybe I did. Perhaps that was my trigger for writing this post. Everyone (perhaps except you) knows how I have lost interest in everything apart from music. Not that I am very enthusiastic about it, just that it is one thing (except my family and loved ones) that keeps me going on.

Let me put my playlist on shuffle before I write further. Lets start with “Trouble” by Coldplay. Okay, so where was I? Yes. I wanted to talk to you about my current mindset. If you scan down some posts in this blog, you will find how excited I was at the start of this semester. It has all just evaporated by now. The reason? Me.Completely lost¬†abandoned the habit of regular studying which has always worked the best for me. “Jo Bhi Main” from Rockstar comes up. Yes, in just 5 sentences from the previous song. I don’t write as fast as you are reading this. Sorry. Deviation again. I told you how I have lost interest in everything. I don’t want any material possessions. Probably because I have most of what one could ask for. I am not ambitious now as I used to be say about 4 years earlier. I don’t feel excited by the prospect of anything. I don’t feel like doing anything. It is a scary feeling. I hope that this is just a phase that I am going through.

“Wish You Were Here” by Avril Lavigne. Ah! How much I love my playlist. I am studying and even better living in IIT Delhi. With facilities to do just about anything. People quite often tell me how lucky I am. I am a callous asshole to let go of these opportunities they might as well add. I’ll try to start afresh. Tell me it’s gonna be okay. Will you? Till then, faith is all we have.

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