A lot is going on in my head right now, so what I am going to do is just blow it all out in whatever order it comes up. Here we go.
I am thinking if it was right for me to stop competing with people. Though I am content in my own self, I feel I have lost my sense of purpose. I feel like I have wasted my abilities in the sense that I am not focused on improvement anymore and hence rarely do the things I must do – be it honing my programming skills, reading, having a hobby, whatever. You get the point, don’t you?
I seriously think that one of these coming days I would have to step out of my cocoon and go out and face the big (bad?) world and that day is approaching really fast. In one of these days, I would have to go and get things done myself. No more dependence on parents. What really frightens me is that that day will never be labelled. This is that time and I am scared as hell. Suddenly, one day I will find myself out of my cocoon in the real world! I just wish this transition is just as smooth as it was into this teenage and out.
It makes me sick down to my knees when I realize how quickly the time is passing. A second ago, I was in my 12th standard. One tick and I am in my first year, another one and here I am in my second year. They say if time’s passing by quickly, it is a good thing because it means that you are happy. But what bothers me is the transience of everything. Everything that I have right now, would be gone. Everyone would be gone in a period of months and years. The fact to digest is – I can’t hold on to everything and everyone.
“Sure, everything is ending, but not yet!” – Jules