Figuring Out 2

/* If you hate long posts or are fed up with figuring out kind of posts or have no interest in excruciating details of author’s life, you might wanna pass on this one. */

When I was younger, I pictured myself as an astronaut at N.A.S.A, exploring the outer space and going to other planets and galaxies. I promised my parents I’d let them come with me; on my rocket. I memorized futile space trivia like the diameter of the Milky Way (which is 100,000 light years by the way) till the day I was hit with the realization that – I’d have to be really fit for an astronaut and considering the fact that I couldn’t even go to a hill station without leaving a trail of my puke on the way, I decided to put that aside.

Sure, like everyone sometimes, there were ideas of a detective, cricketer and singer but not once did I truly believe in them. In class 9th for a short period of time, I even thought of being a theoretical physicist when I was brainwashed by this crap that I bought. When I entered college, I knew for certain that I would not study any further. That meant no MBA, no Civil Services, nor any Research or PhD for me. I clearly saw myself as a Software Engineer at the end of my degree. I loved the idea of marriage and saw myself married to an awesome girl two years into my job. Skip to two and a half years later, I am not sure on any of the above grounds except that Civil Services is still a no go (and will always be).

Image courtesy -

I’ve realized this over time that my study pattern aligns with a research paradigm – slow, detailed, aiming to be exhaustive and therefore sometimes deviating from the syllabus in the heat of the moment. When I think about pursuing a full time career in research, that is when it get’s tricky – I do not want to – [want to go into research], because I don’t think that I can do this exhaustive study for prolonged periods of time. Heck – what do I know? I guess this is the stage to figure this out once and for all. I now find myself way too young to even contemplate on my marital life. I guess I’ll look the other way for the time being and refuse to acknowledge it’s existence, until well – I have to. However, MBA has come on ‘maybe’ list only because I want a life like here in college, with a lot of work but with time enough to do it, with a lineup of rooms you can enter anytime of the day you want. MBA isn’t very likely though, atleast not right after college. Just maybe. On a similar note I don’t think that I have the enthusiasm or the dedication to start up my own start-up. So, entrepreneurship is as unlikely as me making out with a monkey.

The only thing that I seriously wanted to do was to be a Software Engineer. I’m not really sure anymore. Not after the horrifying internship season. It wasn’t horrifying due to the rejection part, although that did make it worse. It was horrifying thinking – wheather or not I have been busy climbing the summit of an entirely wrong peak(as I wrote here). I realize (right now as I’m writing this) that I can say without an iota of doubt that I love my course content and curriculum and am thoroughly exited about it, so it can’t be entirely wrong. Maybe what I need is to pause and sift through the finer divisions like say – Algorithms(which slap me hard every now and then; including during the internship season) or Machine Learning(which I am yet to do) or Artificial Intelligence(which I am currently enjoying doing). I need to work and improve my game!

I know things are still kinda hazy but at least I have a better idea than I had in ‘Figuring Out’. Hopefully, by the time there is a ‘Figuring Out 3’, I’ll have a clearer picture on the above grounds.

1) 18 lines in Sublime Text editor seemed short, but this post has become insanely long here. Maybe I need to increase the width of the reading section.

2) Pictures can make soulless posts,like this one here look good.

3) Come to think of it, the odds of making out with a male or female monkey will be the same won’t they? Aftell, you are as likely to kiss a male monkey as a female monkey. Or are you?

4) The question above rules out comedian too I guess!

6 Comments Add yours

  1. KatieBun says:

    First of all this post is awesome. Secondly you got me with the astronaut dreams (Been there done this) , I also didn’t make it work.. still it’s fun to dream 🙂 Best wishes, K.


    1. I’m glad you dropped in. Thank you and wish you the same. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Figuring out life is the hardest. Especially what you want to do for the most part of it. Now that I think. it’s silly to think our youthful “logical decision” can give us a lifetime of bliss. Hope you figure it out, follow your heart. It’s tough but nobody else can do it for you. Stay blessed 🙂

    Here’s something similar I wrote (it’s a secret low-key blog am harboring shhh)


    1. I do realize this every now and then but for some reason this just doesn’t stick. 😛
      Anyways, I am glad that you dropped in and thanks for letting me be a part of your secret blog. 😀

      P.S. Why do you keep two different blogs anyway?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ones for fiction, others for book reviews n ranting

        Liked by 1 person

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